Woke up this morning and got going on some job searching…as usual.
Things were going fine until my bf asked if I was going to be able to sleep over his place for his bday (Dec.) and for New Year’s. First, let me explain my situation so that you can understand things a little better.
I just graduated from college and moved back home. I come from a sort of old-school traditional household. I’m 21-years-old and will be turning 22 soon in Oct. Yet my mom still sees me as a kid (even though I am the oldest of three), and she doesn’t approve of me sleeping over my bf’s house (of almost four years) because she thinks it’s wrong. To her, I shouldn’t be sleeping over because I’m not married to him yet. And when I spit back that I’ve been going out with him for so long, and eventually going to get married to him, she retorts back, “You can’t sleep over…it’s not like you’re married to him or anything…so what’s the rush?” I’m just sick and tired of it all…I’m caught in the middle.
On one side, my mom wants me to stay with her for a year and I’m not allowed to sleep over. On the other side, my boyfriend cannot comprehend why my mom is acting like this and enforcing all these rules as if I’m still in high school…he’s willing to stay patient for a year…but also really wants me to sleep over for his bday and New Years – and if I’m not allowed (due to my mom’s rules) then I think he’ll start to lose respect for my mom, or at least think she’s being totally unfair.
In my opinion, I think my relationship is at the point where I should be able to sleep over, at least on the weekends – i stay home during the weekdays. As of right now, I only visit him Saturday and Sunday, driving 45 minutes just to see him..I don’t sleep over. I wake up early and go drive down to see him, then i come home around 2 am.
I’m having such a hard time dealing with being apart from him all the time, and hearing two sides just arguing with me. I’m caught in the middle between two opposing sides and I hate it. I’ve had two arguments so far with my mom about why I should be able to sleepover…and they ended up in disaster and tears. So now I dont talk to my mom about it because I know what the result is going to be.
My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I can’t persuade my mom into letting me sleepover…but he just doesn’t know how old-school my mom is — ::shouldn’t be sleeping over a bf’s house if you’re not married to him::
For now I’m just swallowing my anger and keeping myself as patient as possible…”one more year,” i keep thinking….until I can finally move out. But even if I do move out, I don’t know if my mom is willing to accept the fact that I want to move in with my bf…by the time my one year living at home is over, I will be 4.5 years into my relationship.
Do you think my mom is being unreasonable? Can anyone give me some advice? …especially on how I should be communicating with my mom? (Note: My mom is very stubborn…if she says ‘no’ to something, it’s always going to be ‘no’) I need to break her habit of always sticking with her answers and being so damn stubborn…need help please =(